What to Do About Approach Anxiety

By | May 2, 2018

Part of being good with women is about being comfortable with yourself. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you can be more bold, more confident, more aggressive than most other guys. You can also have a lot more fun.

There is a phenomenon I find quite strange, however, that keeps them from just walking up and talking to a woman. It’s strange to me, because I personally don’t deal with it. But several men do.

They feel like they’re being judged.

But not by women, mind you. They feel like they’re being judged by those around them. They are so afraid of failing with a woman and looking like a fool to the people in their environment, that this actually keeps them from talking to women!

Some guys are afraid that the Bouncer at the club is watching him crash and burn. Others are afraid a group of frat boys at the bar is gonna make fun of them. Still others are worried what a bartender may think. Some even go so far as to accuse their friends as being the ones that will never let him live down a bad approach.

So my real question to this is: Why do you care?

Part of being confident is NOT CARING what other people think of you. Who is the Bouncer? Or the Bartender? Or the Frat Boys? Who are they to you? The answer should be – NO ONE. The only person who’s opinion of you should matter is that of yourself. After all, you decide your own self-worth. Not others.

But that’s a trap many guys fall into. They are too insecure to be comfortable in their own skin, so they get their self-worth from the opinions of others – even people they don’t know and probably will never see again! This is especially true when it comes to women. Men who have a low sense of self often get validation from being successful with a woman. They think if the woman likes me, then I MUST be special! I must be worthwhile! I must have value!

Therein lies the issue of this idea. Success eludes them because they are afraid of other peoples’ opinions. They’ll avoid being judged to the point where they forgo their own happiness!

You can get around this. And the way to do this is easy. Simply put…

Don’t be judged.

When you do not allow yourself to be judged by others, you empower yourself to succeed. So how do you empower yourself to succeed? That answer’s easy.

You fail.

I know it may seem counter intuitive that failure breeds success, but it’s true. There’s an old saying that if you’re not failing, you’re not working hard enough. You must fail if you want to progress, but more importantly, you must learn from your failures. So when you approach a woman, just keep this one thought in mind:

You are going to fail.

By thinking this way, you know the outcome of the interaction, and that makes it okay to fail, because that’s the outcome you determined you were going to have in the first place. And no one can judge you on that, because that’s what you set out to do. Failure is not something to be afraid of, it’s something to learn from. Fail enough times, you will eventually succeed.

I’ll end this article with an old philosophy of mine: Expect the worst, prepare for the best. If you expect the worst, you will never be disappointed with any outcome you have with a woman, because the worst you can expect is maybe a slap in the face.

You prepare for the best by having good material and understanding what to say to a woman.

Understanding what to say is one of the most important things you can do to eliminate uncertainty, and creating a personal knowledge base when it comes to dealing with women.

Joseph Matthews has been instructing guys how to meet women since 2004, and is widely known as an expert in the field of confidence building and dating advice. If you want to learn more about how to meet women, check out his free newsletter.